Blessings from the Year 2013

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At the start of the year I decided to write down every good thing that happened throughout the year as they happened, and at the end of the year I would read every single good thing and blessing that happened during the year. And today is New Years Eve, so I want to share with you some of the blessings that God has given me.

*These blessings are not listed in any particular order…not even chronologically*

  1. I had an amazing experience at the SEEK 2013 conference
  2. Had the best confession of my life at the SEEK conference in January (great way to start off the New Year)
  3. I had my first adoration where I opened up COMPLETELY and FULLY to Jesus about everything
  4. I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit late at night after my first adoration. With this encounter I was finally able to realize the beauty I had on the outside and within me because I was made in His image and likeness
  5. I met some amazing and beautiful people at the SEEK conference. One person I met (Hannah) has become a good friend to me, and I am truly grateful to have her in my life. She truly radiates Christ.
  6. I lost my glove without realizing it and on my way to our school cafeteria I found it. I didn’t even know I lost it. lol
  7. The St. Joseph (my confirmation saint) medal on my necklace fell down the drain and my friend Maggie got me a new St. Joseph medal.
  8. I was blessed to meet Curtis Martin, Jason Evert, Chris Stefanick, two drummers from Matt Maher’s concert, Jackie Francois, and many other great people.
  9.  I got to speak to Jackie Francois,,Jason Evert, and Curtis Martin
  10. I started my first counseling session in 2013 with the help of a good friend Christine Saah
  11. I met Maura Byrne and got to hear her speak at my school. I also got to talk to her, it was such a blessing.
  12. I got an on campus job at my school that I wanted…I didn’t think I would get the job
  13. I went to Amsterdam, Congo, Paris this Summer. But most importantly I got a chance to visit my family in Ghana after not seeing them for about 5 years…I missed them so much!
  14. I get to speak to cousins (who are like brother and sisters to me) who are in Ghana, almost every week, sometimes I speak to them everyday…unless its exam week
  15. During the Summer I got to go to Kansas City for a National competition for a non-profit organization/club I am involved in. While I was there with my teammates we got to eat at the best BBQ place in the U.S. according to many people.
  16. I got to be in the row of a Matt Maher Concert
  17. After the concert was over I found my phone and camera on the floor in tack…considering the fact the everyone include me was jumping up and down at the end of the concert. My phone and camera would have been crushed, but I was a very lucky girl that night.
  18. I got to attend a Kairos retreat. The retreat really opened my heart up and it taught me to trust God and the people he placed in my life. The retreat really gave me the push I needed in my spiritual journey. LT4
  19. A old childhood friend and now college roommate became my best friend! Love you girl!!!
  20. Became friends with some really incredible people this year…Christina, Aurea, Gina, and Christine. Love you guys!
  21. Meg became my FOCUS bible study leader. Having her as my bible study leader has really made an impact on me and my faith. I am truly thankful for Meg! Love you Meg, you are really the best.
  22. Got an internship offer for the summer with a world wide corporation. My dreams are finally coming true! One day I will be able to use my career success to make a difference in the world or at least someone’s life.
  23. Me and my mom mended our relationship. This makes me SO HAPPY!!
  24. Christina and I started an international project that will help those in need. I am so excited to continue this project. My heart smiles just thinking about it
  25. Having the opportunity to witness my friend grow in her faith and go through RCIA

Looking back on all the blessings God has given me this past year, I can say I am truly thankful especially since this past year has been filled with some heartbreaking events and tragedies. Its good to look back at all the God has done for me and the ones I love, its a good reminder that He is always working in our lives.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

I Got The Heart of A Fighter

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For the past couple of days I have experienced some triggers that brought back some past memories that were pretty traumatic to me. Last night I debated whether or not I should share these memories on my blog, especially since they are only two people who are aware of some of my traumatic experiences, but after much thought I decided to write about it.  I am going to write about this to help others come out about something they went through that is currently taking a toll on them. I am also writing about some of my experiences because I think sharing and writing about my experiences will help me heal, recover, and maybe even forgive.

Warning: This blog post may trigger some traumatic memories, so please do not read this post if you believe it maybe a trigger. Just so you know these memories still bring me to tears, so its okay if you can’t continue or even start to read this post.

This past Spring Break was the last time I had a traumatic experience and trigger…all at the same time. I don’t remember the day it happened or the month, all I remember was the event itself, the amount of fear that struck my heart and what was going through my head at the time. It was late at night and I was in the basement on my computer, when I heard loud knocking on the upstairs door. I ignored the knock thinking the person would go away but then someone broke through the backyard gate and began to knock and flashing a light at sliding glass door, which allowed individuals within the house to enter our backyard.

As someone was knocking on the glass door and flashing a light at the door, the knocks on the upstairs door began louder and more aggressive. While all of this was happen the house phone began to ring. My heart began to race and I started to imagine and think the worse, so I rushed myself all the way up to the very top floor of the house where all the bedrooms were. The knocks only got worse, the house phone continued to ring, and a voice outside the door began to yell and scream “OPEN THE DOOR NOW OR WE WILL BREAK IT DOWN”.

At that very moment I found myself in a corner praying Hail Marys, I was shaking and terrified. While I was in the corner scared out of my mind, my mom who was currently in the house at the time and awake got enough courage to open the door. But by the time my mom opened the door they’ve already started to break down the door, the locks on the door were destroyed when my mom opened the door. Along with damaged locks, there were huge dents in the door…which are still there to this very day. When my mom opened the door we found it was the police. The police told my mom that they got a phone call and thought someone in our house was in danger, it turned out to be a false alarm.

Throughout the whole event I never imagined that the police would be the ones knocking on the door. At first I thought my mom had a visitor, but when the knocks became louder I began to think the worse. I thought that the people at the door included my dad and someone he knew. When I began to think this I began to fear for my life, and the lives of my mom, because I knew what my dad is capable of. Along with this thought process, came triggers from past experiences that involved my dad and his aggression.

I couldn’t sleep that night and every time I tried I would re-live what happened that night and past traumatic memories. If it wasn’t for my ex-boyfriend who stayed up all night with me and comforted me, I don’t think I would have been able to make it through the night.

That night brought back memories from my childhood and adolescence. Before I entered the seventh grade my dad moved out of the house, it was a bittersweet for me because I lost a father but also because I was free from the fights between my parents and the abuse, or at least that’s what I thought.

One day after my dad moved out of the house he came by the house, at this time I was home alone. I remember this day like it was yesterday. We both were in the basement, when my dad lifted his hand to hit me and I grab it. For a brief moment I had hope that he wouldn’t be able to hurt me this time but I should have known better. I was basically a little girl protecting myself from a man who was stronger than I was. A few seconds after blocking his hand, my dad began to hit and punch me.

Before I knew it I was on the floor in so much pain, at one point I felt sick to my stomach because of how hard he punched me in my stomach. After hurting me he walked away and left the house while also saying a few hurtful words to me. I was on the floor for quite awhile in pain after he had left. To this day I can still remember the amount of pain I was in.

A few days later my dad came to the house and knocked on the door. This time I saw him and I refused to open the door out of fear and protection of my sisters, who were home at the time. My dad did not give up with two or three knocks…no he became desperate and began to knock on the front door even harder and with aggression. When I didn’t answer the door he went broke into the backyard and knocked aggressively on the glass door. With no lucky, he began to call the house phone while knocking the doors aggressively. I was scared, so I took my sisters and hid somewhere in the house for quite awhile. After trying to enter the house without causing damages to the home itself, my dad called the police.

My sisters and I stayed in hiding until we heard the police knocked on our door. When the police came I was relieved but at the same time confused because I know I did not call the police. Once the police entered the house he explained to me that my father called them out of concern for our safety (which is pretty ironic don’t you think?). The policeman asked me why I wouldn’t open the door for my own father. I wanted to tell him the kind of father he was, his violent nature, and how being in the house with him alone was scary. But with my dad standing right next to the policeman I couldn’t tell him the truth because I knew that if I was to tell the policeman the truth he probably won’t believe me and if he does my dad wouldn’t be arrested since I was currently unharmed, which meant that once the police left I would be left to deal with my dad’s anger and raft.  I was afraid once again even with the police present.

Whenever my dad was around I was in constant fear. Even to this day I find myself unable to sleep some nights because of recurring memories, and thoughts of him and how he treated me. Despite everything that happened to me growing up and the affects that it has on me today, I have been able to live my life and achieve some pretty amazing things because I didn’t let what happened to me stop me from chasing my dreams.

I want you to know that I made it through many years of abuse and survived. God was with me every step of the way and comforted me, even when I didn’t feel like he was there for me. I am still growing in my faith and relationship with God because I can tell you from experience that God will take care of you, he will turn your pain and struggles into something beautiful. Prayer got me through my sleepless nights and the abuse. God is always listening.